Combatting the Silencing
Why we reach out to our Rabbonim when our children reject us?
From early on our children are raised that their leadership can be trusted. Therefore, as we find ourselves victims of false allegations that has destroyed our connection to our children we appeal to you to help undo this devastating damage.
Why children fall for the Alienators tactics?
Alienated mothers (or fathers) were manipulated and blackmailed by the alienator till they trembled and appeared broken. This deceptive aura looks real to the children and will cause them to turn away from a loving parent. The parents’ cries that they were psychologically poisoned and were not unloving nor unstable fall on deaf ears. The children refuse to hear their side of the story – maintaining the belief that she/he is the cause of the problem. In actuality though, these are most often warm, loving, and hard-working parents.
Silencing:
How Silencing enforces the Alienation
One of the most powerful concepts that seal the distrust from child to parent is the component of silencing. Silencing is the cult-like lid that is placed on our children’s psyches hindering any chance that they will reflect they may have been deceived, told untruths, or witnessed fabricated evidence. These tactics pull them away from a loving parent.
For example: a simple concept like telling a child ‘you have every right to be happy and do not need to spend your time listening to a parent that wants to be in pain’ is enough to keep them from connecting to a parent that actually should be in pain. These are parents that are in pain because they were blackmailed, denigrated, and devalued in a typical abusive pattern. However this is done so slyly that the child has no awareness of it and will move away from the parent that loves them and is hurting.
Another tactic to make sure an alienated child doesn’t connect to the targeted parent is to influence them that they are very special children – talented – frum – and intuitive enough to know what is healthy for their own mental health. This way they look upon the targeted parent – that has been psychologically manipulated to the breaking point – as the weak ones and themselves as the strong ones. It’s the simple game of divide and conquer. These children will now see the targeted parent with diminished qualities and as a burden. The warm/trusting parent-child connection has been lost.
Still another tactic is to convince a child that they are exceptionally lovable and that their own mother or father does not realize how truly special they are. This convinces the child that only the alienator is the one that cares for them – their savior.
Sadly, this has been known to occur with family members, mentors or therapists.
So what can the Rabbonim do?
Please Stop the Silencing!
It’s important to have the child reflect that there may be more to the story.
Therefore we need our Rabbonim to open that ‘eye of the needle’ ………
………… so a child will realize they were silenced.
Please kindle that spark!
We will do the rest!
To understand more about the Abuse in Alienation click here: